"it" just moved
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
