I'm going to jail i love you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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