I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
