he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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