Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
