At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
