Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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