Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
