Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
