Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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