great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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