The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
