I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
