Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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