oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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