i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
