shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
is it fun? or sober?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
