I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
