he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
