I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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