I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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