Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
