jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
