Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
