So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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