It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
