it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
