Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
