i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
