OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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