He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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