I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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