Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
MIDGETS
????
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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