Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
