Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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