u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
