Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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