NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
