It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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