pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
