i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
