He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
