dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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