yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
