atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
