textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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