Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
