blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
