Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's rum buckets o'clock
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
