The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
