this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
