Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Welp...herpes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
